Suicidal Thoughts
by blue wigged thespian
Summary: What would happen if I just disappeared from existence, never to be seen again? Would my parents actually care? Would my sister feel like that her biggest sister was actually hurting from the comments by her friends, and definitely her? tw - suicide; trina-centric


**AN: Wow this is different from my other writing. I don't usually write a lot when it comes to dark issues (suicide, I meant) but since I was listening to some songs, I decided, why not? And why not with everyone's most hated character, Trina Vega? I actually love her, and I wished the writers won't go so far as giving life threatening insults because as i watch the last episodes, I literally scowl when they ridicule Trina way more than they should. This is not a song fic, although it contains lyrics and the persistent theme of suicide from the song 'Suicidal Thoughts' by Notorious B.I.G.**

**_Disclaimer, I barely own the iPad I typed this in, so what makes you think I own a television show?_**

* * *

_When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell. 'Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fucking tell._

_._

_._

I stare at myself in the mirror, ignoring my sister's constant pounding on the door. Apparently there isn't enough hot water, she screams towards the door, but I'm too deep in thought to care. I can't even enjoy a minute of feeling like my usual self: like a piece of shit. I have to act like someone else to get a reaction out of the friends that aren't even my friends, I have to act like someone else towards the parents who don't even give me a second glance to help me, and I have to act like myself to go through a bitter bitch named life. I'm tired of it all. I can't.

What would happen if I just disappeared from existence, never to be seen again? Would my parents actually care? Would my sister feel like that her biggest sister was actually hurting from the comments by her friends, and definitely her? Would everyone from school ever wonder that I actually hear it when they whisper about the talentless, delusional, narcissistic nuisance that struts her stuff to get some attention?

The pounds and the yells get louder in each minute, while I have my hand full of a certain drug that can end everything. End the lies, the hurt, the hate... everything. Something I should have done a long time ago when I had the chance.

I should take a quicker route if I don't want to be saved, since I can easily be revived once they found me. I don't want to be found; I prefer to go where I would probably be wanted, like hell. I deserve to be there; I've never been a happy person and I've never done anything good in my life. Yeah, if it wasn't for me my sister wouldn't have noticed her talents, but the thank-you diminishes once she gains her group of friends.

When they put me down, she does too: _you're annoying, no one likes you, you're **not** pretty, you're **talentless**, why are you even at _this_ school, how are you related to **her**, you're nothing._

When they call me names, she agrees with them: _suckfish, gank, bitch, talentless, delusional, crazy, nuisance, ugly, hater._

When they want nothing to do with me, she does too: _you don't **belong** here, we didn't invite you, we don't want you here, it's best if you didn't come, I'm not interested in you, I want to **kill** you, disappear._

This time, my parents come over and demand me to open the door. I try to force something out, but there's nothing I can say. It's not even a shared bathroom I realize; they just want to do anything for her. Ever since she got into the performing arts school, she's the center of attention; not even the most talented people in the school get parts in the plays anymore. It's all about her.

**_Life's not all about you!_**

The line seems so relevant when I wanted so badly to be on her team for a stupid, illegal game show. It's always about her but what can I do; she has a talentless bitch of a sister. She has to bring the family name out of shame. And now when I finally leave the world, she can continue to do so. Mom and dad will be happy since they failed on me. They know how much of a screw up I am; I don't have the perfect looks or talents or smarts to make something out of myself. They look at me as the shitty person I am; always tending to her needs and never mine, running away when I had my problems, and having more compassion towards her, because they knew she has to deal with me more than they do.

I immediately pop the pills inside my mouth, ignoring the disgustingly acidic taste of the heart stopping drugs, and take a very long swig of water to back it up.

I patiently wait as the drugs in my system start to slow me down. The pounding on the door gets softer and the screams get less louder; my vision gets blurry, and I feel myself smile. The first smile I've ever had ever since I got accepted into that blasted high school. I've made the right decision and there's no turning back. It would eventually take a few minutes until the drugs take full effect and I don't have to deal with life anymore. I don't have to hear my mom and my dad taking pride in their youngest. I don't have to hear my sister 'making it fucking shine'. I don't have to hear her friends sing along with her. I don't have to hear people in my school talk about me anymore.

I don't want to hear anymore of my neglectful family.

My grip on the sink gets loose, and I feel my body hit the hard, cold floor. The last time I hear was a clear insult - "You don't even deserve to be in the bathroom for that long. **No** one likes you." - before I black out.

Nothingness; it's better that way.

.

.

_I'm sick of people lyin', I'm sick of people hawkin'. As a matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'._

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


End file.
